Friday, March 19, 2010

Legally Gendered: Hot Mess

After being born a man, living as a post-op transsexual female, and then sloughing it all off and going neuter, Norrie May-Welby is the world's first legally "gender non-specified" human. Congratulations to it.

Full story:

Friday, January 8, 2010

My Mickey Rourke Movie Marathon

Recently, after discovering he was smokin' hot in 1986 (thanks, Google Image Search!), I decided to have a Mickey Rourke movie marathon. Because 2010 is the year of the overshare (ahem*formspring*ahem), here is a rundown of the films/my experiences.

#1 Angel Heart (1987)
Mickey Rourke is a chainsmoking 1950s "big city" PI investigating some shit for Satan (Robert DeNiro) and Lisa Bonet slits a chicken's throat & wipes the blood all over her face & titties. And then she bones Mickey Rourke. What?? C.

#2 Nine and a Half Weeks (1986)
This movie has no plot whatsoever. It's just a bunch of sex scenes and disturbing power plays. This film gets a half a grade bump solely for the tightness of Rourke's abs. I mean he really stepped it up. But why is this movie even famous/memorable? Oh yeah: tits. Kim Basinger bones Mickey Rourke every 90 seconds, and shows her tits like 40 times. Truthfully, this movie is pretty damn unwatchable. Rourke plays a total creep and Basinger is the Dipshit Woman who does whatever he says. This movie tries so hard to be someone's sexual fantasy... not mine. D- (for the abs).

#3 Rumble Fish (1983)
This movie gets bonus points for a) getting RHCP's "Righteous & the Wicked" stuck in my head b) teaching me that at one point in time Matt Dillon was reasonably attractive not so heinously fug c) making me remember how gorgeous Diane Lane is and how Streets of Fire is a freaking awesome movie. But god damnit I really can't deal with Nicolas Cage. Luckily for that bipedal bloodhound and his director uncle, 1980s Sexy Mickey Rourke is a dreamboat in black and white. I'm not gonna lie, I fell asleep after about 20 minutes, but this movie made me want Botox. In good faith regarding the 70 minutes I did not see, I rate this film a C (too much Dillon and Cage, and Rourke's face was very sweaty).

Sunday, October 25, 2009

God Damn It, Gurl

Anyone who knows me knows that I pretty much have a ladyboner for Fiona Apple, because her music is fkng awesome. But GIRL WHAT IS WITH THE ENSEMBBBBBBBBB? Good God Jesus, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with the SHOES. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT. I'm sorry, are you an 86-year-old named Millie? No, so stop selecting footwear like one. And what on god's green earth told you to wear those shoes with THOSE TIGHTS with that dress? And then throw on a bra that ruins the silhouette of your dress and is also totally the wrong color? This hurts me. This hurts me in my heart. Is that a purse, or a giant velvet pouch for your silver??? I am literally pained by your presentation - DIY hair & makeup and your walking Vincent Van Gogh self portrait boyfie included*. Gurl, call me!!! Shit.

* Jonathan Ames, but isn't it more fun my way?

Monday, October 5, 2009


That's 23.

Monday, September 21, 2009

More Proof Muse Is Awesome

What do you do when you're asked to play your hit single to a backing track on Italian TV? Have your drummer & bassist completely switch places, and see if anybody notices. Hirarious!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009

Let's All Give Kanye West Even More Attention

Kanye "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT" West went on Jay Leno's show to apologize for being his usual self at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Did anyone believe his
weepy little performance? He's so full of shit. "WAH, I hurt my own feelings by not being the greatest, WAH." Milk it for all the attention you can get, Kanye. After all, everyone needs to watch you in order to know how amazing sincere you are. IT'S NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL ANYMORE because Beyonce, who is a fuckin' class act and I like her, saved the day. But you don't see her going on talk shows to tell everyone how gracious she is and how she's so proud of herself for being a good person. Get the fuck off my TV, you douche.

(too-soon image via