God Damn It, Gurl

Anyone who knows me knows that I pretty much have a ladyboner for Fiona Apple, because her music is fkng awesome. But GIRL WHAT IS WITH THE ENSEMBBBBBBBBB? Good God Jesus, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with the SHOES. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT. I'm sorry, are you an 86-year-old named Millie? No, so stop selecting footwear like one. And what on god's green earth told you to wear those shoes with THOSE TIGHTS with that dress? And then throw on a bra that ruins the silhouette of your dress and is also totally the wrong color? This hurts me. This hurts me in my heart. Is that a purse, or a giant velvet pouch for your silver??? I am literally pained by your presentation - DIY hair & makeup and your walking Vincent Van Gogh self portrait boyfie included*. Gurl, call me!!! Shit.





* Jonathan Ames, but isn't it more fun my way?

Rough

That's 23.

More Proof Muse Is Awesome

What do you do when you're asked to play your hit single to a backing track on Italian TV? Have your drummer & bassist completely switch places, and see if anybody notices. Hirarious!

Lindsay Lohan Dresses Self, Finds Mirror

Let's All Give Kanye West Even More Attention

Kanye "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT" West went on Jay Leno's show to apologize for being his usual self at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Did anyone believe his
weepy little performance? He's so full of shit. "WAH, I hurt my own feelings by not being the greatest, WAH." Milk it for all the attention you can get, Kanye. After all, everyone needs to watch you in order to know how amazing sincere you are. IT'S NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL ANYMORE because Beyonce, who is a fuckin' class act and I like her, saved the day. But you don't see her going on talk shows to tell everyone how gracious she is and how she's so proud of herself for being a good person. Get the fuck off my TV, you douche.




(too-soon image via maxforfree.tumblr.com)

Lady Gaga gets Regina all over Coldplay's "Viva La Vida"

Check out this cover of Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" from Lady Gaga. Sounds like Gaga's been listening to a lot of Regina Spektor lately. And we love it!

New Fiona!

This just in: Fiona Apple has recorded "Why Try To Change Me Now," the old Cy Coleman/Frank Sinatra gem. The song is on "Then Was Then And Now Is Now - A Tribute To Cy Coleman," a six-track compilation CD EP.



Track list:
1. The Best Is Yet To Come - Patty Griffin
2. The Rules Of The Road - Nikka Costa
3. Why Try To Change Me Now - Fiona Apple
4. Then Was Then And Now Is Now - Ambrosia Parsley
5. I'm Gonna Laugh You Right Out Of My Life - Julianna Raye
6. (I'm) In Love Again - Missy Higgins

No release date is available, but you can listen to Apple's track right here.

Everyone Hates Twitter

Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks Twitter is stupid. Check out this video from SuperNews and a little ditty by Ingrid Michaelson.

E-Cigarette: A New Alternative to Smoking

Do you want to quit smoking but, like, not really?

The e-cigarette is a new alternative to smoking. It's essentially a nicotine inhaler that looks like a cigarette.

Manufacturer Smoking Everywhere says it looks, feels and tastes like a real cigarette. When you take a drag, it releases a small amount of nicotine vapor that looks like real smoke when exhaled. It has no flame, which totally means you can "smoke" at the airport and in bars. A starter kit costs about $100 and refill nicotine cartridges (one cartridge = 20 cigs) come in packs of five for $9.99.

This product has not yet been approved by the FDA. Allegedly, the FDA hasn't approved e-cigarettes because they qualify as drugs and are therefore illegal (um, hi, what are cigarettes?). "There is not sufficient evidence that (they) are safe products for human consumption," Timothy O'Leary of the World Health Organization said. It has, however, been approved by Michael Lohan.

Dinosaurs!

Check out this animatronic dinosaur at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County. WANT!

Lady Gaga Does Not Do Drugs

So, Lady Gaga decided to wear this and then do that in front of a large audience.

R.I.P. Blender

Blender magazine, known for it's unapologetic combination of music, babes, and steadfast enthusiasm for disposable pop culture, is folding. The April issue with Kelly Clarkson on the cover will be the magazine's last. This is sad for two reasons, the most tragic being that this shot of Clarkson, with her boring t-shirt and crappy hair, is their final tableau.

Etta James: Classic, But Not Classy

Etta James took time out of her busy life grooming those eyebrows to talk shit about Beyonce for singing "her song," "At Last." James told a Seattle crowd last week:

"You guys know your President, right?... He ain't my President! But I tell you, that woman he has singin' for him, singin' my song, she gon' get her ass whipped. The Great Beyonce... I can't stand Beyonce. She had no bidness up there singin'... singin' my song that I gon' be singing forever."

Too bad James was not the first to record that song, nor did she write it. Which would technically make it not hers. Which technically means she should shut the fuck up.

"At Last" was written by Harry Warren and Mack Gordon in 1941 and was a hit for the Glenn Miller Orchestra years before James recorded it in 1962.

The song has also been done by Nat King Cole, Christina Aguilera, Jason Mraz, Miles Davis, Ella Fitzgerald, Martina McBride, Celine Dion, Stevie Wonder, Cyndi Lauper, and Stevie Nicks, among others.

Yet, of all these people, Beyonce is the one that's causing her such stress for singing a song that she did a cover of 45 years ago. James made no public fuss of Beyonce portraying her in "Cadillac Records" or singing the song in the film, yet singing the song at the Inauguration of our 44th President (or as she called it, "Big Ol' President Day") seems to be off limits. Jealous much?

Listen to the audio here.

JUDE LAW WTF

WTF are you doing? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.



HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE MAD???? Jude Law is one of 15 actually-attractive men on this planet. WHY RUIN IT??? Apparently for art. Whaaatever.

Jenny Owen Youngs has amazing fans

Brooklyn singer-songwriter Jenny Owen Youngs has some amazing fans. These two built a rather extensive blog of Jenny Photoshop hilarity. Por ejemplo:













Oh so much more at http://jennypics.tumblr.com/

R.I.P. mikelohanonline.com

Michael Lohan made his first smart decision of 2009 and stopped blogging about how Samantha Ronson is ruining Lindsay's life. Of course, he had to get a few last shots in there. You know, go out with dignity and class. It's the Mike Lohan way.

Punch Dance out your rage with Christian Bale

I'd like to thank whatever his name is over at What Would Tyler Durden Do for being one of my favorite sources for asshole commentary (and also quite possibly my soul mate), and yesterday bringing me Angry Christian Bale: Da Remix!, made by the equally awesome RevoLucian. Check it out immediately.

Joaquin Phoenix: 'Rapper,' Or Just The Drunk Guy At The Party

If you haven't yet watched the video of Joaquin Phoenix rapping on stage at Lavo in Las Vegas Monday night, I suggest you do. I might also suggest that Phoenix not retire from acting to pursue a rap career, but I won't because I really don't care what that guy does. Though I do appreciate the conclusion of this spectacle.

Random

Oh, Pammy. You're so clever.

I'm so sick of these assholes

Cosmetics giveaway Jan 20 while supplies last

As a result of a 2004 class action lawsuit alleging price fixing, your favorite NYC department stores will be giving away cosmetics tomorrow (one item per person, while supplies last). HHHHwhat??? Yes.

Among the brands/products available: mascara, skin care, moisturizers and fragrances from Estée Lauder, Clinique, Lancome, Clarins, Chanel, Givenchy, Calvin Klein, L’Oréal and Christian Dior.

Participating stores: Macy's, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, Saks Fifth Avenue, Bloomingdale's, Bergdorf Goodman and more! You're welcome!

Cosmeticssettlement.com for more info.

Best Ringing-in-2009 Photo So Far

"I need an adult! I need an adult!"

(click for full size)